Drinking makes this post rich in postiness.

So, first off.

I was pulling together the linky goodness for this post and I did this google search, which proved immediately that Amazon has EVERYTHING. Then, because I am currently under the influence of two and a half happy-making vodka and sodas, I immediately added this vibrator to my Amazon wishlist. Not just because it will make my mother, aunts, and assorted other matriarchal figures feel extremely uncomfortable, but because I totally do want it.

Hint, hint, people.

Anyway.

Speaking of making people uncomfortable, my sister called me this evening and we had this conversation:

Sister: What are you doing?
Me: Watching the notebook and crying hysterically. I've realized the Notebook is like the rabbit vibrator of chick flicks. Except instead of orgasms, it makes you cry.
Sister: . .. .
Me: Am I making you uncomortable?
Sister: No. But you did make me uncomofortable when we were talking to our gay cousin after thanksgiving dinner.
Me: Uh.
Sister: You don't remember?
Me: Um, No.
Sister: Yeah, the topic was anal sex.
Me: Um. Was I speaking?
Sister: Yeah.
Me: Well, right! So, anyway! Nothing to be ashamed of!

Stupid alcohol.

Anyhow.

The topic of today's post is The Notebook -- the ultimate in girl porn.

It is seriously perfectly formulated for hysterical melancholy self-indulgent crying. Which is so great.

If I had the ability, I would mock up an Amazon page that showed the vibrator and proclaimed BUY THIS WITH THE NOTEBOOK TODAY!

Because they're both perfectly designed to please a woman.

I feel empowered to declare this because I am not a typical girly girl -- I tend to be the sarcastic, cynical one in the crowd. Despite my intense affection for shoes and handbags, I also have a very sensitive bullshit detector.

But this movie? It hits all the right notes. It has the following features specially-formulated for her pleasure!

- Ryan Gosling provides the ideal combination of stoic manliness and tender sensitivity!
- There's a war scene where E bites it dramatically!
- Rachel McAdams has the perfect lipstick!
- Alzheimer's! It's seriously sad!
- James Garner has perfected the most intensely grief-striken tearful look anyone has ever seen! (warning, it could blind you)
- Kissing! In the rain! First love! More kissing! WHY CAN'T I HAVE PERFECT LOVE?

OH YEAH! THAT'S THE TICKET! OoooooOOOOoOooOoooooHHHH!

ahhhhh. . . .

Thank you, Nicholas Sparks, you little bitch.