Monday, December 05, 2005
More than anything, I'm thinking it's the wedding thing that is the oddest bit. I'm down with lifelong commitment and partnership. I mean, you've got to have someone to share the mortgage and pick the kids up from soccer practice. And I get the idea of making a promise, maybe even making it legally binding, like a business decision, so there are reprecussions if someone doesn't hold up his or her end of the bargain.
And, no doubt, I'm totally down with the party part. I'm all about events that are all about drinking and dancing. And eating. And did I mention drinking?
The whole ceremony thing slightly creeps me out. The purposeful public declaration of undying love, people staring at you while you lay that whole thing bare in a way that is sort of uncharacteristic in our modern lives. I mean, how often do you really perform ceremonies? Especially if you don't church it that much. Everyone all decked out and crying about your love while babies scream in the pews. . .
But the true evil of the wedding thing is what brides do -- make all their girlfriends wear identical ugly outfits -- that is at the crux of the creepiness. A parade of differently-shaped bodies all attempting to look identical in some sort of heinous purple strapless crepe piece of ill-fitting crap. Holy shit, that's evil. Inevitably, one of the bridesmaids looks like she's smuggling watermelons and has to have tape applied to her underarms while her counterpart is forced to stick socks in her bra. They usually look angry or as if they were weeping not five minutes ago in front of a mirror as they walk down the aisle. Usually, the hairstyles inflicted upon them are similarly cruel -- and are applied with enough hairspray to ensure that it will talk many, many applications of shampoo before their hair has retained its original consistency.
All with the priveledge of having to spend $300 to do it.
Why must women be so very cruel to one another? WHY?