Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Astonishing Douchebaggery of Bobby Flay

Tivo, that bastard, is the reason I don't blog more.

I mean, it means I don't have to watch whatever is on -- so I never stare slack-jawed at the Food Network for hours at a time.

But today,Tivo reached out his little, brightly colored tentacles, caressed my cheek, and said, "Baby, you worry too much. Put the remote down. Sometimes, you've got to let someone else take over. Let me choose for you. Put your feet up, and let me take care of you."

I sagged with relief and we watched, together, hour after hour of various programs, all of which featured Bobby Flay.

Who is an astonishing douchebag.

Witness -- Throwdown With Bobby Flay.

So, basic premise is thus:

Each show starts with some unsuspecting small town proprietor of a local favorite hangout, which is regionally famous for (insert home cookin' example here).

They pick this person out -- say, the woman in Nashville, Tennessee, who is famous for her buttermilk biscuits with blackberry jam. They tell said lady she's going to be star of a Food Network special about singing in the kitchen. They hire some singers and tape all these segments while she excitedly films her special on Food Network.

In the meantime, Bobby Flay is developing his own version of said specialty -- in this case, biscuits and jam -- and calls in all these consultants and develops some massively ambitious, pretentious, alternative -- in this case, his biscuits had pepper. He didn't like the original fig and strawberry jam, so he created a lemon/orange BLUEBERRY marmalade.

Then BF interrupts the woman while she's demonstrating her stuff. She's all -- BOBBY FLAY!!!

And then BF says, ARE YOU READY FOR A THROWDOWN?

Then makes the woman compete in blind taste tests -- her stuff vs. his. Woman not only now finds out she doesn't have her own show, she finds out that Bobby Flay is swooping in to prove that SHE AIN'T THE BEST, Y'ALL!

In every case BOBBY FLAY WINS and then ACTS SHOCKED AND HUMBLED.

In the case of the woman who made the apple pie sunday that he beat, he said, "I was really impressed. I mean, her idea -- it was so obvious. But I didn't think of it."

Why does this douche have so many shows?

2 comments:

Mistress La Spliffe said...

Wow. He and the show developers look like massive pricks. The Food Network should change its slogan to 'Eat Me.'

Anonymous said...

The bisquit lady of Nashville adds super wonderful karma to her unbelievably divine bisquits. Bobby Flay adds negative vibes to his. Loveless Bisquit Lover