More things to do on your first day on the job OF LIFE

Make rules. Some examples:
- No daytime TV. Nothing is more horrifying than watching advertisements for trucking school and thinking, 'they mean me. When they say, 'feeling desparate?' they. mean. me." Turn 'er off. No, it doesn't matter that you have Tivo. Shut up, inner voice of pure laziness! No TV before 6PM!
- Get out of bed in the morning. Do it.
- Get the hell out of the house. I SAID GO! This is especially easily done when Comcast has been dicking about and your Internet is on the fritz. Hipster Internet Cafe, here you come! Que up the Death Cab, motherfuckers!
- Eat your veggies. Take pictures. Don't resort to selling off your posessions, just yet. Technically, you just hit 24 hours of unemployment. Technically.
- Walk around. Notice details. Pretend you are a starving artist. Write things in your head. Carry around notebooks for scribbling. Try not to be irritable. You Bitch.