Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said, real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so, you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, yes. I said, you're beautiful.
- Heathers is on Showtime right now. Though I don't think I've seen it in years, I just realized that I still know most of the dialog. A small sampling:
Heather: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
Veronica: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.
This is taking up space in my brain right now. I can't remember all the state capitols or even all of my multiplication tables, but I remember that Heather Chandler is the Red Heather, Heather McNamara is the Yellow Heather, and Heather Duke is Brenda from 90210 -- and I remember Christian Slater is feeling superior because, "Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination. . . our love is God. . . let's go get a slushy." It's unnerving. And somewhat disappointing -- like, why couldn't my 15-year-old self have focused all that energy to memorizing something more useful than icklugha bullets??
I would also give my 15-year-old self some other tips, like, dude, lay off the bangs. And the black eyeliner. That shit's wack.